I blew my very first commercial audition because I could not take a bite out of burrito shell filled with lettuce. I know, it sounds crazy. But walk with me. It was the middle of the afternoon, and I had already eaten lunch. Suddenly, I was casually being asked to eat something for a job interview – as if my food plan didn’t matter. I hesitated. I didn’t know how many calories were in a lettuce burrito. And if I didn’t know how many calories I would be consuming, then I wouldn’t know how many extra minutes I would have to spend on the treadmill to burn them off.
Does it sound “crazy” now? Most likely. It was a burrito shell. It was lettuce for crying out loud! And it was a bite!
But what if it wasn’t?
What if the audition had been for a pizza company or a bakery? What if – I had actually booked the job – and after 16 takes – had essentially eaten half a pizza or bundt cake? What then?
What the “Diet and Exercise” Model Actually Teaches You
These are the rules of the game:
Eat more or eat the “wrong” food, gain weight.
Eat less or eat the “right” food, lose weight.
Exercise more, lose weight.
Exercise less, gain weight.
The “diet and exercise” model is so culturally ingrained in us that we don’t even question it. We just try harder. We start a new diet, get a new plan, try a new supplement, buy a new tracker, hire a new trainer. And when that doesn’t work, we assume that the problem is us.
The heart-wrenching, soul-sucking pain we experience around food and our bodies is real. It is deep and profound and affects the quality of our relationships, our work and our lives. But it isn’t healed by another food plan or even by reaching a target weight. The path to healing begins with understand what is actually causing the pain in the first place.
Let’s take another look at the “eat less, move more” idea. What the “diet and exercise” model really teaches us is that we have to “pay a price” to eat. We instinctively understand that eating comes at a “cost” – exercise or weight gain. We only get so many calories to eat a day, and if we want to eat more than that, we have to pay the price. The choice is ours: exercise, weight gain, or simply denying our hunger to “stay in budget.” No wonder we go through mental gymnastics to justify every bite!
But there’s another aspect to the “diet and exercise” model that is often overlooked. And, in my humble opinion, this is the worst part. The “diet and exercise” model implies that since we can control what we eat and what we do for exercise, then we can control our body size, shape and weight. Therefore, if we aren’t the size, shape or weight we want to be, we assume it’s “our fault.” We didn’t have the discipline, motivation or willpower to control our diet and exercise. So, we often feel like we have failed – on a personal, character, or moral level – because all we needed to do is “diet and exercise” and we couldn’t do it. No wonder we have self-esteem and body image issues!
The Fallacy No One Seems to Notice
With its simple logic and math, the “diet and exercise” model essentially treats your body like a machine. Diet and exercise are the “inputs” you control, and your body size, shape and weight are the “outputs.”
Yes – it sounds overly simplified. And we start objecting to the simplicity by going down the roads of genetics, different body types, hormones and the fact that “not one diet works for everyone.” But it’s the simplicity of the idea that helps you see the traps and the way out.
Our entire wellness culture is fundamentally built on the core “diet and exercise” idea; that you can control the outputs by managing the inputs. If you’re not happy with your size, shape or weight, you simply try a different diet, supplement, or training regimen – the industry has plenty from which to choose. Every time you “fail” you just need to recalibrate and find a better diet or exercise program. That’s one of the reasons it’s so hard to break free of this model. There is a lifetime’s worth of new diet and exercise approaches to try in hopes of finally creating the outcome you desire.
And it can go even deeper. The personal growth/self-help industry is keen on helping you discover the underlying psychological reasons why you can’t seem to control your inputs. They offer tools and strategies for self-esteem and self-improvement. The implication being that with personal development, you will finally have the strong character to “eat right and exercise.” You will finally have enough self-worth to do what is necessary to create a desirable outcome.
And it goes even deeper. Because there is so much shame around body image and weight – and the exhaustion we all feel from constantly trying new approaches – the pharmaceutical industry has unleashed a new category of “inputs” to help control our “outputs.” GLP-1s anyone?
Here’s the deal. Yes – we are absolutely responsible for what we eat and what we do for exercise. No one is forcing you to eat the cookie and no one can make you go to the gym. But the fact that we are responsible for what we eat and what we do for exercise does not mean that we can therefore control our size, weight and shape through diet and exercise. That is a fallacy!
Controlling inputs – even pharmaceutical ones – does not guarantee outputs. Our bodies are not complicated machines. Our bodies are complex systems of living intelligence. This is an important distinction and it is the key to our freedom.
What’s Actually Running the Show
The “diet and exercise” model ultimately fails because it demands that we disconnect from our bodies to be “successful.” We can’t eat because we’re hungry – we can only eat what and when that diet – that external source of authority – tells us we can eat. We can’t move simply because it’s fun and feels good. We have to burn those calories, and whip our bodies into shape. In the “diet and exercise” model, we must work (and it is work) to override the impulses of our bodies.
The “diet and exercise” model keeps us at odds with our body even when we reach our goal weight. This is why the stress, anxiety and work never actually end.
The fundamental truth is that we will never win a battle with our bodies. I know, that can sound scary. But it is only scary within the context of the “diet and exercise” model which treats our bodies like machines. When we understand that our bodies are complex living intelligence with a perspective of their own, surrendering to their wisdom is actually quite liberating. It means that the pain and shame of being unable to control the outcome can be released.
This is the key to freedom.
The Way Out Starts With a Different Model
The way to break free of diet drama isn’t to “finally find the plan that works for you.” The way to find peace and freedom with food, exercise, our bodies and our weight is to change the fundamental base model from which we work.
As long as we are working from within the context of the “diet and exercise” model, we cannot trust – let alone hear – the signals of our bodies. Every natural instinct gets overwritten by checklists of calories, carbs, fat grams and hours spent working out.
And I get it. Trusting your body can feel scary. The entire diet industry – as well as perhaps your own experience – teaches you that your body is something that cannot be trusted. We seem to believe that left to our own devices, we would spend our days lying on the couch and eating Bon Bons.
But think about this. If we get a cut, our bodies automatically start healing the wound – before we’ve even had a chance to wash and dress it. If we catch a cold, our immune system kicks in to make us well again. Our bodies breathe and digest food without any help from us.
With their innate wisdom and intelligence, our bodies already know how to create an optimized state of health, vitality, and well-being. Furthermore, it is in their own best interest to be in this optimized state. Our bodies want the same things we do! Isn’t that a liberating and reassuring concept?
Where This Leaves You
If you have tried everything to lose weight, or heal your relationship with food, and nothing seemed to stick, the problem isn’t you. The problem is that everything you tried was from within the context of the “diet and exercise” model. It’s the “diet and exercise” model itself that creates the drama and keeps us stuck. The path to freedom begins with working from a different underlying model. Happy Calories Don’t Count® is that different underlying base model.
If this resonates and you would like to go deeper into what this looks like in practice, I have a variety of resources. My free guide, “Why You Don’t Feel Free Around Food (Even When You Lose Weight),” is the next simple step.
To your freedom!
Related reading: The Hidden Message Behind Every Weight Loss Ad